


Deniable but Unmistakable

by buddyrolls



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Slash, i guess??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 12:23:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17849408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buddyrolls/pseuds/buddyrolls
Summary: There's something between them, whether they want it or not.





	1. Chapter 1

They become acutely aware of what is considered 'acceptable' for two boys when they’re teenagers. On a level they’d always known that they had strayed beyond that invisible line almost immediately after declaring themselves best friends, but it's when they hit fourteen, fifteen, that it suddenly becomes glaringly obvious. Their parents had noticed their unusual closeness over the years, of course they had. Even just the glimpses they caught of the two of them together before they went hurtling off into their next adventure were enough to plant the seeds of doubt, and while they had their misgivings, they wrote it off as childish affection: one boy latching onto the closest thing to a brother he will ever have and the other thrilling in finally not being _t_ _he little brother_.

But it’s not brotherly affection that makes them lean against each other just to feel their arms press together. It’s not what makes them nudge each other’s knees under tables, too gentle to pass as boyish ribbing. And, most importantly, it doesn’t explain the immediate sense of safety, fondness and affection that settles over them when their skinny bodies and increasingly lanky limbs come together in tight hugs that last a few seconds too long where Link presses his face firmly into Rhett’s chest and Rhett turns his head _just_ enough to bury his nose in dark hair. The force, the feeling, whatever it is, exists between them, radiant and warm, making their broadening chests feel too full in the best way. They’re young, though, and don’t think to put a name to it.

The wariness and carefully kept buffer of space doesn’t come into existence until Cole walks in unexpectedly one day while they’re watching t.v. at Rhett’s house after a tedious day of school. They were supposed to be alone, with Rhett’s parents out for the afternoon and Cole out with his friends. They were supposed to be doing homework but had mutually agreed that they needed a well-deserved break from educating themselves. That had been half an hour ago when there had been a decent amount of space between them. But, as always, they’d slowly inched their way closer together, using commercial breaks as easy excuses to get up to stretch, to get something to drink, and settling back down closer than before each time.

Their bodies are pressed together from hip to knee and Rhett’s far arm is stretched somewhere across the back of the couch while his right lays seemingly casually on his leg, barely grazing Link’s left with every other minute movement. The focus that Link has so carefully trained on the television cracks when he feels something graze against his pinkie, and any remaining concentration shatters entirely when it happens again, only this time he realises three things: the cause is Rhett’s own pinkie, the movement is deliberate, and since he hadn’t moved away Rhett had gone ahead and intertwined the two digits. And when Link turns to look at his best friend he feels his heart thud heavily in his chest then pick up speed when grey-green eyes meet his own. For one breath-stopping moment he wants to lean further into Rhett, to nudge his head into the space between Rhett’s chin and his chest, or perhaps to bravely brush his lips across the skin of Rhett’s cheek. It’s when he’s considering the small, soft smile on Rhett’s face and beginning to entertain the idea of maybe leaning in to see if it tastes as sweet as it looks, steadfastly ignoring the part of him that whispers a warning that he’s not supposed to want this with his best friend, his best friend who is a _boy_ , that Cole walks in.

They ricochet apart in a split second, two flurries of limbs that spring to opposite sides of the couch. The older boy stops dead and stares at them for an unending, unnerving moment where a visceral dread grips them as they both fear what he’d seen. After a beat he comes over and slumps between them, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and lamenting why he’s back home and not with his friends. Neither of them hear what he says nor bother paying attention, not with the deafening sound of blood rushing in their ears.

Later, Link comes to the conclusion that Cole must have seen something and said so, because when he next sees Rhett his friend looks far too tired for his young age, unsmiling with rounded shoulders in a slight slouch. And when Link shuffles closer to give him a tentative smile and timidly brushes their hands together, fingers twitching in a shy bid to interlock themselves with Rhett's, Rhett avoids his eyes and hastily shoves both hands into his pockets as he sidesteps away.


	2. Chapter 2

Though it stings and aches in a way that nothing ever has before, Link dutifully follows Rhett's lead. They struggle to find a new normal for a while, awkwardly dancing around each other for weeks on end before they settle into a version of their friendship where they think twice before allowing themselves any physical contact that could be in misinterpreted in any way. By the time their senior year rolls around a couple of years later, rough shoving and brisk one-armed hugs are second nature to them. The quiet, tender moments in their easy closeness have long since disappeared, forcibly replaced by an almost grating brotherly camaraderie that feels like it  _should_ have been natural to them but is ever so slightly _off_ instead.

If anything, it reminds Link of wearing a shirt that he has started to outgrow: passable to everyone else but just tight enough to feel wrong to him. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth but he grows used to it. 

They never mention whatever it was that they'd nearly stumbled into, but Link will sometimes feel Rhett's eyes on him when it's just the two of them, in the car, out on the riverbank, and when he glances over he'll catch a glimpse of something wistful and longing in his expression before Rhett's gaze snaps away. He doesn't comment on it, worried that he'd imagined it, but he feels the words catch in the back of his throat, and the resulting deep, familiar pang in his chest never fails to render Link speechless for a few seconds while he schools his own face into something that _won't_ reflect what he had thought he had seen on Rhett's moments before.

The worst of it, though, comes during the night every few months. Link sleeps very little on those nights, holding his hands up to stare at them in the dim light afforded to him by the moon instead, clasping and unclasping them together again, over and over, imagining that one of them is just a bit bigger. When he tires of that he rolls onto his side and beats his pillow into submission until it's barely under his head and mostly in front of his face so he can nuzzle into it and pretend that it's firmer, warmer, and housing a steady heartbeat that he can still hear if he concentrates enough. On those nights his lips tremble while he desperately tries to recall the comforting weight of Rhett's arms around him and his head hurts from how hard he squeezes his eyes shut, resolutely ignoring the tears soaking into his pillow. And on those mornings his throat aches from holding back sobs and when he sees Rhett at school, so comfortingly familiar but so painfully out of reach, his smile wavers and his eyes sting. He speeds away every time, leaving Rhett to catch up if he wants to as he practically jogs to class despite having plenty of time before the bell.

Girls are a welcome distraction, if not a particularly good one. They're pretty, they find Link funny, and they smell nice, but he can never fully invest himself in the relationships he comes to have. It's Rhett that truly commits, wholeheartedly immersing himself in the role of girl-crazed basketball star, and Link discovers early on that Rhett tends to have a single-minded focus when he has a girlfriend. Everything else, including Link, fades into the background for the other boy, and the first time it happens is the time that hurts the most. That first time he goes a month without hearing from Rhett outside of school, and even when they  _are_ at school his presence barely seems to register with him. That's when Link truly comes to understand the meaning of the word  _unmoored_ , and he drifts through that long, long month in a discombobulated state, lost and scrambling to find something, anything to fill the Rhett-shaped hole that had suddenly yawned open at his side. Link tells himself that it's to be expected but that doesn't take away the sting of pain  _or_ the jealous, resigned anger that brews in the pit of his stomach. Perhaps the lack of contact is better than being subjected to the nauseating sight of Rhett macking on a girl more than he already is, but it really doesn't feel like it. However, he greatly prefers radio silence to having to watch Rhett's arm drape over round, narrow shoulders to tuck a shorter frame against his side in a move that makes Link sick to his stomach while he bites his tongue to keep himself from howling, "that's for _me_ , that's where _I_  should go," with all the force of his pent-up frustration.

He gets used to that too, though. He grows accustomed to the jealousy and the periodic absence of his best friend, and, perhaps a little pettily, he tries to return the favour whenever he has a girlfriend of his own, though he's never quite as good at keeping himself away as Rhett.

**Author's Note:**

> refined version of [this](http://buddyrolls.tumblr.com/post/182056122591/they-become-acutely-aware-of-what-is-considered)


End file.
